NOW - News Of the Week - April 28

Ronnie Wood set to marry his 20-year-old Russian lover

The 61-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist – who sparked huge controversy last year after leaving his wife of 23 years to be with Ekaterina Ivanova – has told friends he has found “a new lease of life” since dating the waitress. Before he can marry Ekaterina, Ronnie must divorce estranged wife Jo and he is determined to protect his £60 million fortune. Ekaterina a furniture lover is set to get an Old Rocker - Wood.

Authorities monitor swine flu spread

Health authorities around the world are taking steps to prevent the spread of swine flu, which has killed more than 80 people in Mexico and infected others in the United States and Canada.
Although the origins of swine flu are unknown, authorities suspect Donald Rumsfield.

NOW - News Of the Week - April 25

Russell Crowe slams Peter Garrett

Russell Crowe, has used his appearance on Letterman to take a pot shot at Federal Environment Minister Peter Garrett over the fate of a wildlife reserve dedicated to the late Steve Irwin. Crowe went on to encourage viewers to "hit him up on the phone"

Dirty Domino's Duo, Caught and Fired

An online manhunt has led to the firing and arrest of two Domino's Pizza employees after they uploaded videos of themselves on the web fouling up customers' food.

Viewers, disgusted by the vile videos, managed to track down the employees, Kristy and Michael, to a Domino's store in North Carolina in the US.

They have been offered jobs at the Coogee Bay Hotel.

AFL players mortified that frozen chicken was male

FORMER Kangaroos captain Adam Simpson and senior player Daniel Pratt have admitted involvement in the production of an internet video depicting a condom-wearing rubber chicken performing sex acts. A chicken expert revealed today that the frozen chicken was actually male, a large rooster and the acts were done in a disturbing homo-erotic manner.

New 42 billion dollar national broadband network announced

Now Australia can censor the internet faster than any other country.

Brothel crash driver flees

The driver of a $175,000 Mercedes fled the scene after crashing into a brothel in Richmond on Sunday. Witnesses say he was not just crawling the curb, he leapt it and smashed into the building.