Kristen Stewart looks sombre after break-up with Pattison, though no-one can tell difference

Vale Steve Jobs

We give you the three-fingered salute.

Scientists Discover Sun Responsible for Global Warming

Aung San Suu Kyi turns 65, thinking of retirement.

The 65th birthday of Aung San Suu Kyi, Burma's detained opposition leader, is being recognised by supporters both at home and abroad as a good time to retire. The opposition leader's National League for Democracy won a landslide election victory in 1990 but the military refused to recognise the win or give up its rule. Celebrating her birthday under house arrest,the Nobel Peace Laureate mentioned that she may consider retiring from her busy role to spend some time around the house.

50 Cent loses half his weight, now calls himself 25c

NSW Transport Minister comes out of the Cabinet

Best Headline Ever!

"Police locate $5million worth of ice as they smash Bikies ring"

Charlie Sheen Arrested for Crimes to Comedy

Charlie Sheen has been arrested in the Colorado resort town of Aspen on charges related to his extremely popular but comically dubious sitcom 'Two and a Half Men'.

Police spokeswoman Elissa Moore said Sheen was arrested on Friday on charges of over-acting, second-degree use of eyebrows both felonies, along with criminally poor timing, a misdemeanour.

Police say the 44-year-old actor will be held without bond until his first court appearance. The court was closed for Christmas, and no date for his appearance has been set.

Jail officials said they will hold on to Sheen for as long as possible, in order to halt the filming of another series.

Tiger Woods REALLY needs to improve his driving

Not only has the infamous late-night car crash put Tiger Woods in the rough, it has been revealed that Tiger is not his real name. He was orginally named Cheetah.

Hey Hey, I'm not racist but...

5 Indian Doctors and none of them are Taxi Drivers or Terrorists...?

Broken Hill moves to Rooty Hill

After more than a 1000 tonnes of red soil was blown from Broken Hill to Sydney on the East Coast the City is now in clean-up mode. In another shock there were reports of some 4WDs on the North Shore being covered in dust.

Rupert Grint has Swine Flu

Rupert Grint who plays Ron Weasely in the Harry Potter movies has been treated for Swine Flu contracted while working on the latest film.

Doctors also treated him for Hog Warts.

Miss California not fired, by Trump

An emotional Miss California Carrie Prejean kept her crown on Tuesday, and the beauty queen stood by her opposition to gay marriage and defended posing for topless photos. Speaking from California, Miss USA pageant owner Donald Trump said "I hope that beauty can once again triumph over politics, this is not Alaska"

NOW - News Of the Week - April 28

Ronnie Wood set to marry his 20-year-old Russian lover

The 61-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist – who sparked huge controversy last year after leaving his wife of 23 years to be with Ekaterina Ivanova – has told friends he has found “a new lease of life” since dating the waitress. Before he can marry Ekaterina, Ronnie must divorce estranged wife Jo and he is determined to protect his £60 million fortune. Ekaterina a furniture lover is set to get an Old Rocker - Wood.

Authorities monitor swine flu spread

Health authorities around the world are taking steps to prevent the spread of swine flu, which has killed more than 80 people in Mexico and infected others in the United States and Canada.
Although the origins of swine flu are unknown, authorities suspect Donald Rumsfield.

NOW - News Of the Week - April 25

Russell Crowe slams Peter Garrett

Russell Crowe, has used his appearance on Letterman to take a pot shot at Federal Environment Minister Peter Garrett over the fate of a wildlife reserve dedicated to the late Steve Irwin. Crowe went on to encourage viewers to "hit him up on the phone"

Dirty Domino's Duo, Caught and Fired

An online manhunt has led to the firing and arrest of two Domino's Pizza employees after they uploaded videos of themselves on the web fouling up customers' food.

Viewers, disgusted by the vile videos, managed to track down the employees, Kristy and Michael, to a Domino's store in North Carolina in the US.

They have been offered jobs at the Coogee Bay Hotel.

AFL players mortified that frozen chicken was male

FORMER Kangaroos captain Adam Simpson and senior player Daniel Pratt have admitted involvement in the production of an internet video depicting a condom-wearing rubber chicken performing sex acts. A chicken expert revealed today that the frozen chicken was actually male, a large rooster and the acts were done in a disturbing homo-erotic manner.