Body art ban for teens

Teenagers who rebel by piercing their forehead or permanently scarring themselves will soon be breaking the law. The NSW state government has made these activities illegal for anyone under 18. Banning piercing, scarring and alcopops, what's left for our kids? Junk food?, Catholicism? Attacking flamingos? 

Another Obama Assassination Plot foiled

In the US, the FBI has arrested four members of a White Supremacist group. These men were part of what is now the fifth plot to assassinate Presidential Candidate Barack Obama. Even though the FBI admits there may be other plots to kill Obama, he is still fifty-percent less likely to die before John McCain.

Keira Knightley weightloss concern

Hollywood actress Keira Knightley has dramatically lost weight over the last 8 weeks. Friends and family have raised concerns over her new trendy exercise regime. Today medical authorities in the US issued a warning against Pilates of the Caribbean.  

US government's economic rescue package

President Bush has pledged $700 billion in a bid to rescue the US economy. With the US dollar in free-fall, Bush has promised that $400 billion of that will be in World of Warcraft gold. 

Chicken Burger Meltdown

The worldwide economic downturn has now begun affecting well-known fast-food giants. It's the latest warning from the Federal Finance Commission about The Global Financial Crisis. The FFC warns KFC about the GFC.  

Working on Rail rort

Former RailCorp manager Brett Schliebs admitted that last July he took a day off to visit a lingerie restaurant in the CBD, despite filling in a time sheet that claimed he worked an 8 hour day. In his defence Schliebs stated, that as manager he was in charge of track-work and other erections.

Hotel digs deep to save stinking reputation

The Coogee Bay Hotel stands accused of serving ice-cream which contained traces of fecal matter, to a family that had complained to management about poor service. In a press conference held today, the hotel promised to serve free Lemon Sorbet, "to help cleanse the palette". 

Federal Police Terrorism Mistake

Australian Federal Police have been embarrassed by the bungled arrest of a so-called terrorism suspect. Police arrested an Indian Doctor who was driving a bomb to the Airport, turns out to just be a taxi.

Minister for speeding loses licence, loses temper

John Della Bosca, Minister for Education and Training has lost his licence and been forced to ride his bike to work. He has made a number of statements implying that he thinks 'a little bit of speed is ok'. Todd McKenney says the same thing.

Dr Killer travels with leader

Dr Graeme Killer, the medical adviser to Kevin Rudd will now travel with him on all his overseas trips. While Security were initially worried by the idea of Killer on the Plane, they consider him a better choice than Dr Geoffrey Snakes.

By Jove, Kevin's got a Jeeves

The Federal Opposition accuse Kevin Rudd of having a butler, who polishes his shoes and lays out his clothes when he travels. This almost became an embarrassing blunder when it was revealed that Brendan Nelson also pays someone to travel with him, but it turns out that Brendan Nelson pays someone to travel with him.

Rudd's 2020 Plan

The two biggest issues in Australia are obesity and rising food prices. Rudd's solution is to let it sort itself out. 

McKenney talks of his drug ordeal

Police question Todd McKenney about the number of pills in his possession. He replies "It takes two and I'm dancing with the stars"